Michelle's Madness

I can’t believe it’s November 20 already. Where in the world has the time gone? Halloween seems like it was just yesterday, yet at the same time it feels like it was so long ago. In October we get geared up all month long for Halloween, with the decorating and getting costumes for the kids, buying candy, trips to the pumpkin patch and pumpkin carving. Then November 1 comes and Halloween is quickly put out of mind, for the most part. Of course there is still a mountain of candy to pilfer from the kids as a reminder of the Halloween festivities. But Thanksgiving preparations quickly ensue, and with that comes a little nagging voice in the back of my brain reminding me that Christmas is rapidly approaching as well and it’s time to start some shopping. I am simultaneously planning to have turkey day for 12 at my house, and planning Logan’s birthday party, because his party will be on December 7 and I needed to make sure to get the invitations out early because December is so busy for everyone. Not to mention I need to begin the aforementioned Christmas shopping.

Naturally, there are many things I need to get done in the next week:

1. Clean my freakin’ house. Especially the abysmal expanse of counter top and my desk, both of which are covered in papers and junk. I keep waiting for a black hole to open up on my counter and just suck the entire contents of my house into it. Reminds me of Poltergeist, though I’m pretty sure our house isn’t built on ancient Indian burial ground. I hope.

2. Finish my grocery list and make sure I have everything I need. You know, just enough wine to keep the guests relaxed and happy, but not so much that anyone gets rowdy.

3. Next week I have to make several pies. I was only going to make 2 pies when there was only supposed to be 7 people, but the addition of 5 more guests makes me wonder if that will be enough. The guest list includes 4 teenage boys. FOUR. So there needs to be plenty o’ food to keep them from rioting. And I’m thinking that will have to include 3 pies. I don’t want people stabbing each other with forks over the last piece of pie.

4. Pick up my big ass bird (20 pounds) on Wednesday, because I simply do not have space in my fridge to defrost that sucker for a week.

5. I should probably dust off the china that’s been sitting undisturbed since last Thanksgiving. But if I don’t get around to that, everyone can just eat my dust. HA! Get it?

Now that doesn’t seem like a huge list of things to do, but you haven’t seen my counter and my desk. Scary. Now here is what I have been doing to procrastinate:

1. Surfing the web. There is certainly no shortage of sites to aid me in pissing away my time. Damn you Facebook! It’s not like I need more flair; I have a ton. But it’s just so. damn. addictive.

2. Downloading music. There are tons of songs I would love to download, so I spend my time either actually downloading them or trying to remember what songs I want. Either way, great time waster. And I’ve certainly enjoyed my new tunes on my daily commute.

3. Updating my Amazon wish list, and the one for the boys. I love Amazon! It’s like window shopping without having to go to the mall and fight my way through the masses of self-centered asshole teenagers*. By the time I leave, I feel like a salmon that’s fought it’s way upstream to spawn. Without the actual spawning part. Which is why I haven’t been to the mall in years. Seriously. It’s much more enjoyable to shop in my jammas!

4. Uploading pictures to Flickr to share with family and friends (are you seeing a theme here?)

5. Reading. Book, magazine, whatever. Just as long as I don’t have to think too hard, or do anything.

6. Watching the crap we’ve Tivo’d. I’m quite disappointed about the latest twist on Ghost Whisperer. Yes, I watch that show. It’s goofy but fun. And Brian and I have created a drinking game based on that show. It’s called “Glugs for Jugs”. If we were actually playing, we would have a shot every time there was an obligatory mega-cleavage shot of Jennifer Love Hewitt, which, if you’ve seen the show, you know are quite frequent and gratuitous. With some episodes, we’d be smashed before the opening credits, so we just say “glug glug” instead of actually drinking. But I digress. Or maybe procrastinate…

7. Making to-do lists. I have bunches of them. I even cross things off of them occasionally. Though I don’t think I’ve completed an entire list in quite some time. But basically it’s a list of things that, after procrastinating for days, I have to prioritize last minute and scramble about to get each chore done in time for whatever deadline has been imposed on said chore. Nothing like the final countdown to a big event to get me moving. Working under pressure. Because I won’t totally screw something up or do something half-assed that way, right? Sure.

Now, to just get through the holidays with my sanity and my bank account intact. Won’t that be a mighty feat? I think I’d better stock up on caffeine. And rum. Look out holidays, here I come!




*I would like to note that I am not saying all teenagers are self-centered assholes. But the self-centered asshole teenagers seem to congregate at the mall and act like they own the place. No nastygrams please. Of course if that offends you, my blog might be a bit much for you to handle. Call that good advice or a fair warning.