Michelle's Madness

1. I was born to be a mom to boys.

2. My husband is the only person on the planet who really, truly gets me.

3. I sing in the car but not in the shower.

4. I could eat Mexican food every day.

5. I hate clowns. They don’t scare me, they piss me off. Suck it clowns!

6. I get obsessed over new projects and ideas, then quickly forget about them and move on to something new.

7. Obviously, this means I never complete anything.

8. Too much garlic? No such thing!

9. I am the type of person who drops stuff on every available horizontal surface.

10. This means my house gets very cluttered, and my desk (both at home and at work) is an abyss.

11. Sarcasm is my second language.

12. I’ve never smoked a cigarette. Ever.

13. I can’t stand wearing bras and pantyhose.

14. Hence I never wear pantyhose. Unfortunately, bras are a requirement, unless I’m lounging at home.

15. I used to have my belly pierced, but I had to take it out with my first pregnancy and it closed up : (

16. I tend to have a potty mouth. I could make a trucker blush.

17. I am wired as a night owl, but I’m a morning lark out of necessity.

18. But I am not very lark-like in the mornings. In fact, I can be downright grouchy.

19. I love to bake.

20. I’ve had my cat, Rocket, since 1995. I got him when he was 8 weeks old.

21. My favorite color is purple.

22. It really does only take 3 licks to get to the center of a Tootsie Pop.

23. I wish I could take a nap every day.

24. My first car was a 1968 4-door Ford Galaxie 500, aka “The Tank”.

25. Oh, the crazy (dangerous) things my friends and I did in that car.

26. I am totally, utterly, hopelessly addicted to Target.

27. I would rather scrub toilets than sweep and mop the floors.

28. I am a serious procrastinator, and I’m good at it.

29. Friday nights in my house are pizza and movie night.

30. For some reason, I seem to be completely incapable of planning an actual dinner for Saturday nights. I don’t want to do a typical baked chicken “weeknight” dinner, because it feels like weekend dinner should be more “fun”, but after Friday night’s fun dinner, I don’t want to feed everyone crap, so I just mentally block planning anything at all.

31. I want to visit England someday.

32. I could never be a vegetarian because I love steak and cheeseburgers too much.

33. Oh yeah, and I’m a veggie-phobe.

34. My husband barbecues the best tri tip ever.

35. He also knows his way around the kitchen pretty well.

36. I’ve very lucky to be married to him, for many reasons other than his cooking.

37. My hair is thick, wavy and evil, and usually ends up in a ponytail.

38. My favorite thing for breakfast is cereal.

39. However, leftover enchiladas also make a damn fine breakfast.

40. On the rare occasions I drink, I am a rum and coke girl. Though I do sometimes have beer or one of those fun flavored malt drinks.

41. For the most part though I just drink water.

42. I have a dirty mind.

43. I tend to laugh at completely inappropriate things. Most people do not understand this, so naturally I get many weird looks.

44. My husband calls me “Lady Leadfoot”. Apparently I drive too fast. But I’ve gotten much better about slowing down as I’ve gotten older.

45. Oh yeah, and because I don’t want to get another speeding ticket. Those suck.

46. I like to make beaded jewelry, but I never have room in the budget for new beads and supplies.

47. I love love love camping.

48. I always think of really good comebacks long after the moment has passed.

49. I tend to stew over things for too long.

50. I hiked to Half Dome in Yosemite when I was 5.

51. That’s about a 15 mile round trip.

52. I did have a little bit of help from my dad and my uncle, but I did most of it on my own.

53. However, I did not go to the top of Half Dome because by the time we got to the base, I was way too tired to deal with the cables.

54. I will hike Half Dome again someday, and I will make it to the top.

55. Most people just don’t seem to get me.

56. I hate raisins in my baked goods. Raisins do not belong in cookies, cakes, cinnamon rolls, or, well, anything other than trail mix.

57. I’m a homebody and would be perfectly happy hanging out at home most days.

58. I love to watch movies, mostly comedy and action.

59. The majority of chick flicks bore the crap out of me.

60. Spring and fall are my favorite seasons.

61. Thanksgiving is my favorite holiday.

62. I don’t like crumbs in the butter.

63. I also don’t like hair on the soap.

64. I sometimes think inappropriate thoughts, very strange things that just pop into my head that tend to be so weird and random that I can’t share them with others.

65. I feel I could do very well as a co-writer for “Family Guy” because of this weirdness.

66. I do not agree with Hollywood and the fashion industry that size 0 and size 00 are the beauty “ideal”. Give those girls a cheeseburger. Give me one too while you’re at it.

67. I like chocolate, but I wouldn’t kill somebody for it.

68. Nothing will make me stop listening faster than someone trying to cram their religious beliefs down my throat.

69. Ditto for political views and parenting advice.

70. I have great attention to detail when it comes to work projects, yet manage to find myself wandering away from half finished chores and projects at home and starting up a new task. I generally have 3 or 4 half finished projects strewn about the house at any given time.

71. I usually hit the snooze button on the alarm clock 3 or 4 times before getting up.

72. I can’t dance my way out of a paper bag.

73. Work has turned me into a caffeine addict.

74. I am not good at keeping fish alive.

75. I can’t stand fake nails and I refuse to get them.

76. My husband and I eloped. Best decision ever.

77. I will not get my hair colored or highlighted because I like the color of my hair. Also I would not do the upkeep.

78. I keep a pad of paper and a pen in my nightstand for the nights that I can’t fall asleep because I’m thinking of all the things I need to do the next day. This way I can write those things down so I don’t forget them in the morning, and I don’t have to get out of bed to do it.

79. I am not what you would call a “people person”. I try to be friendly as much as possible, but generally, people annoy the crap out of me, and sometimes (okay, a lot of times) I have a hard time hiding that.

80. Obviously I will not be running for office anytime soon.

81. I used to be a veterinary technician.

82. I do not faint or get queasy at the sight of blood, even my own.

83. Disgusting conversations at the dinner table do not gross me out, which is handy in a house full of boys. Any topic is fair game.

84. I do everything online if possible, and use the phone as a last resort. And I’m talking about stuff for life in general, not porn.

85. I seriously dislike the phone, and I will ignore it if I don’t feel like talking. I also try to avoid making calls as much as possible.

86. I can’t drive a stick

87. Well, I could drive one enough to get someone to the hospital if needed, but in everyday traffic, I’d turn into a lunatic just trying to deal with the logistics of it.

88. I haven’t ridden a bike in years.

89. The term “hook up”, as in having sex, really annoys me. I hate to hear or read, “While we were hooking up…” Seriously, be a grown up and just say “having sex” or “fucking” or “screwing” or “getting busy” or simply “doing it”.

90. I really don’t care about getting flowers and chocolates for Valentine’s Day or Mother’s Day, or ever really. I’m more practical than that.

91. I also don’t like getting bath stuff. I never end up using it and it just sits and collects dust.

92. I asked for a Swiss Army knife for Mother’s Day. I got it. And I use it.

93. My favorite ice cream is Ben and Jerry’s Coffee Heath Bar Crunch.

94. English toffee is my favorite candy.

95. My favorite TV shows are Criminal Minds, Bones, Eureka, CSI, Cold Case, That 70’s Show, and Family Guy.

96. I have the same birthday as my dad, April 18. Different year obviously.

97. I don’t see what’s so great about Starbucks (aka Whorebucks). I try not to give them any of my money.

98. I also really don’t see why celebrities are so fascinating. I mean, who really gives a crap if they dress like a schlub and go downtown to visit Whorebucks?

99. Sometimes eating the tube of cookie dough is better than actually baking it.

100. I am a work in progress.