Michelle's Madness

1. I cannot do Sudoku to save my life. If the fate of the world depended on me finishing one of those, well, let’s just say that everyone can put their heads between their legs and kiss their asses goodbye. Almost every square has white out on it, several layers in fact. I had one almost finished, and I was so excited, until I had one number left and it didn’t fit. DAMN IT, THERE’S ALREADY AN EFFING 6 IN THIS ROW!!!! GAAH! The only way to unfuck that is to throw another layer of white out on each square and start from scratch. I’ll save that for a day when I’m really bored or for when I feel like straining my brain to the point of aneurysm.

2. People really are nicer when you’re nice to them. At least most of them are. So all that psychobabble bullshit I’ve been hearing for years has some truth to it. Who knew? Now the trick is remembering that on a day when I feel like making someone wear their ass for a hat.

3. Sausage McMuffin with egg and cheese for breakfast followed by leftover pizza for lunch? Bad idea. Pass the Tums please.

4. Accidentally inhaling a small portion of said McMuffin causes an hour of coughing.

5. I knew this already, but I reaffirmed that Old Navy is the devil. Most of their pants seem to have been designed around a box instead of an actual woman. I did find one pair of jeans that would pass the butt test, but guess what? In my size, they are about a mile too long. I’d have to wear 6-inch heels just to keep them off the ground. And anyone who knows me knows that I don’t do 6-inch heels. No way. I'd break an ankle.

6. If one kid gets a Clone Trooper, the other kid must have one or else they will beat the crap out of each other for it. Unfortunately, I didn’t get the Clone Trooper. It was received at school by Santa, so they have to share or they’re pretty much screwed.

That's all for this week's lessons.