Michelle's Madness

1. “Brangelina”. Booooring. Who really gives a crap what they are doing? And I don’t get this obsession with combining celebrity names: Bennifer, TomKat. Who cares enough about these people to sit around and make up cutsie names for them?

2. “Reality” TV. How in the hell is this crap considered reality? A bunch of narcissistic losers are crammed together in a big house and they have to lie, cheat, and manipulate everyone in order to avoid being voted out of the house (or off the island). Where’s the reality? That’s not like real life. Well, I suppose the lying, cheating, and manipulating are… And these shows are being cranked out faster than a baby boy can whiz on you when his diaper is removed. I think the executives sit in the conference room and play Mad Libs in order to find a topic for the next time waster. Maybe one day we will see: “Super Maid”; “When People Poke Bears”; “Project Hooker”; “Waxing Gone Wrong”; or “Extreme Horse Makeover”. Now, if every now and then they spiced things up by tossing a badger into someone’s tent while they were asleep, I might consider watching.

3. Skinny jeans. Just wrong.

4. Jon and Kate Plus 8. I know many people adore this show (which I will say is slightly more realistic than most reality TV... slightly) but I really can’t figure out why. Kate yells a lot and treats Jon like he’s her 9th child, and all he does is make some passive aggressive comment. It’s painful to watch as they try desperately to control their thinly veiled hatred of one another. Yes, I know they just renewed their vows. They must keep up the charade because the cash cow would stop shitting wads of money if they ever broke up.

5. Why some women wear tight and/or low cut pants despite the chub they have around their waists. Hello, muffin top. Buy a mirror girls, or appropriate clothing in the next size up, because that’s not attractive. And no, your confident attitude will not compensate and make you seem sexy despite you pouring out of the top of your pants, I don’t care what Cosmo says.

That's all for this edition of Things I Don't Get. Stay tuned for more!