Things I Don't Get - April 2009 Edition
Friday, April 24, 2009
1. Kids' toys that make noise yet have no off button, or even a volume button. Or the toys that have an off and a volume button, but the default volume when you turn it on is the loudest it can go. Mom smash.
2. When people say "ridonculous". Stop saying that. Seriously. You sound like a douche.
3. Heidi Montag and Spencer Pratt. When the fuck are they going to die??? And what are these no talent media whores even famous for? I've never actually seen their show because my brain would melt from the stupidity, but they are in every damn magazine. They create opportunities for the paparazzi to "accidentally" find them and then totally ham it up for the cameras like it's a big surprise to see them. They probably have all the various paparazzo on speed dial. Plus, Spencer just looks pervy and creepy; just looking at him makes me want to go scrub with boiling water.
You may be wondering where her other horn is. Well, I'll tell you where it is. I'm imagining that it's now buried deep in his scalp because when he eagerly jumped to pose for yet another picture, he hit his head up against hers really hard without aiming properly. Ah, happy thoughts.
4. When spelling something, why in the world do people feel the need to say "H as in Harry (or Henry)"? What other fucking letter sounds like H, requiring them to clarify what letter they mean? Do they think I'm going to misunderstand and think they are spelling a word that has an 8 in the middle of it? Like "bone8ead" or "dips8it"? This also applies to the letters A, J, L, O, Q, R, U, W and X.
5. Jeans that come already "distressed" or ripped. And I can't believe people spend hundreds of dollars on them. I could spend 20 bucks on a pair of jeans and shred them myself and save tons of money. And my son shreds his without even trying! Why in the world would I buy him jeans that are already "distressed"? Those will rip in about 10 seconds flat. He needs strong jeans. Whoever designs these jeans for boys never had boys. And whoever designs them for women are just fucking morons.
Okay, show's over, move it along, nothing to see here. Until next time...
Thanks for the shout-out to Henry and that's spelled H (like Henry), E (like egg), N (like Night), R (like rice), Y (like yellow).
From J (like jewel), A (like apple), N (like, uh, nickel), A (like ass)
1. and the people who give them as birthday presents to your children because, hey, they don't have to listen to them.
2. i'm interested, linguistically speaking, in the source of that particular word but like any new slang, doesn't mean it needs to be repeated unto infinity.
3. i count myself lucky that i don't know who these people are. i don't think i've ever heard of them, but then, i don't watch reality shows. i get enough reality in Second Life =)
5. i have a problem just paying 20$ for a pair of jeans. seriously. but then again, i shop at thrift stores. i can get a really good pair of 'distressed' jeans for a buck 99.
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