Michelle's Madness

Thanksgiving is upon us yet again. The feast always seems to be the main focus, so I try to remind myself to think of all the things in my life that I am thankful for.

I am thankful for my wonderful husband, who loves and understands me like no other. I can’t imagine my life without him and am thankful every day that I’m lucky enough to have him.

I am thankful for my sons. They are two of the brightest little spirits I have ever met and I am very lucky to be their mother. They are healthy, happy and smart little boys with vivid imaginations and I love watching them discover the world around them.

I am thankful for my family, with whom we plan to share our Thanksgiving feast. I am thankful for all the things they have done for us over the years, and that we have a loving family to spend the holidays with. I’m also thankful that our parents live close enough to us that the boys can have wonderful relationships with them all.

I am thankful for my job. I don’t always like it, and my early shift is both a blessing and a curse, but I am lucky to have gainful employment in this bad economy.

I am thankful for having a roof over my head. So many people don’t have basic necessities such as a home and I am thankful that we have the means to provide for our family, even if it is a struggle at times. Many people are worse off than we are on our worst day.

I am thankful for being healthy. Sure, I have to see my shrink and take my meds, but I am happy that I have no major health issues to speak of.

Maybe all that I am thankful for is a cliché, the things one is supposed to be thankful for. But it can be easy to take those things for granted, so it’s good to remind myself of all that I have, especially in this busy, stressful season.

Have you ever just been weary with life? Not depressed, just weary. Like, I’m weary of getting up, every single day, showering, shaving and doing my hair every single day. Weary of driving to and from work, every single day. Weary of making dinner, every single day. Lather, rinse, repeat. Every single day. It just feels tedious.

Maybe part of it is because I’ve been not liking my job lately. I hate the phones, hate them hate them hate them, and I don’t want to talk to people. Maybe part of it is my super early shift that’s got me so darn tired all the time. Maybe part of it is that I’m totally stuck in a rut when it comes to making dinner. It’s basically been narrowed down to 4 or 5 things that I know the boys will eat, so we have those every week. I need to make more chicken dishes and make them deal with it. I just feel so bad when they don’t end up eating much and I know they’re hungry. I know I can’t force them to eat what they don’t want, so I end up making something I know they’ll like.

My bright spot, that isn't tedious, is coming home every day and spending time wtih my family. Plus, next week Brian and I go on our anniversary trip and I’m so excited. I’m just trudging through the days until I get to the fun stuff. Actually, I do that Monday through Friday, until I get to the weekend, so I can live my personal life and be with my loved ones. Trudging through the days is no way to live. I need to find a way to make peace with my job and with my daily routine. Maybe then the tedium will disappear.

There is simply too much going on with life right now. First of all, we found out that the owner of our house is selling it (got a nice big “for sale” sign in our lawn to prove it) and we have to move around the beginning of September. Fuck. I don’t want to move. Do you know how much crap we have that we now need to pack? Not to mention making the house look presentable, and not embarrassingly cluttered, whenever someone wants to do a walk through. And praying nobody steals our shit while on said walk through. On the plus side, the house we are moving to is close by and is bigger, supposedly nicer and has a custom kitchen. Why only supposedly nicer? Because we can’t see the inside until the end of August, when the current tenants move out. So we have no idea what the inside looks like or what the layout is. That is driving me nuts because we can’t plan out in our heads where our stuff is going to fit. I mean, how big are the bedrooms? How big are the living and family rooms? Plus we have no idea how much storage space, closet space, or cabinet and counter space there is. I did have a dream last night that we snuck into the house to check out the layout while the current tenants were gone. I wasn’t impressed. I’m sure the layout looks nothing like in my dream though. It was a pretty strange layout. At least the new house will be the same rent. It would be nice though if the property manager paid for our moving truck, since this isn’t exactly a move we’ve planned or saved for, but that will never happen.

Right around the same time as the move, soccer starts for Jacob. Of course I have no idea when his games or practices are, let alone where they are. I won’t find that out until the end of August (see a theme here?). Plus I’m supposed to start school at, you guessed it, the end of August, but the thought of doing it now makes me want to hyperventilate. There’s just too much going on.

To make matters worse, work wants me to start the 4:50 shift on Monday. That’s 4:50 AM for those of you not in the know. Yes, as in oh-dark-fifty. Fuckadoodledoo. As if I’m not already a walking zombie from doing the 5:50 shift.

On top of all that, pretty much all of our weekends in August are booked with some activity or another. Brian is going to be taking some days off the week before we move to do a lot of the packing, but I don’t want to leave it all up to him. It’s too early to pack right now, but I feel anxious because I’m not doing anything. I guess I can start packing up stuff we really don’t need out, like yearbooks. Though I’d rather just burn those and dispose of the ashes. That will be one less thing to move and I fucking hate them anyway. I suppose I can start weeding out stuff that we don’t want anymore, but I don’t think I’m organized enough or have the energy to do a yard sale. Being at work makes me feel all stressed because I have tons of things to do at home but can’t do them. Then when I’m at home I want to avoid all the stuff I need to do. And the cycle continues. Also, the quantity of coffee consumed this morning probably has something to do with my antsy feeling.

Calgon, take me away! I know that's so cliche. Maybe it should be "Ativan, take me away!" or "Rum and coke, take me away!". How about "Big fucking rubber mallet, take me away!"? Yeah, that sounds good.

When did I get old? Okay, so I’m not really old, I’m only 31, but sometimes I feel old, like when I’m skimming through a People or an Us magazine. I look at the stories, the scandals and the fashion and I wonder, “Who the hell is this person?” Seriously, who is Ashley Tisdale? I have no idea who Shenae Grimes and Taylor Momsen are. And Adrian Grenier? No clue who he is, but he’s fuck ugly. I read these names and see their pictures and just wonder why anyone gives a damn.

As I try to figure out what these random people could possibly be famous for I am reminded of the stereotype of parents hating their kids’ music and the phrase “If it’s too loud, you’re too old” or something of that nature. And I wonder, “Am I a real-life grown up now?” Well, maybe I am, but I still love Green Day, dammit!

I've been doing a pretty darn good job at staying calm and even humorous while at work, which definitely makes the day better and go by a bit more quickly. But today everyone can suck it. I've already taken way too damn many phone calls, and let me tell you, there are many villages missing their idiots today. My last caller didn't know the member's ID number, so I looked it up and said I would give it to her (so she could put it on the form I'm sending her). She said, "Her ID number as it pertains to what?" Um, it's her IDENTIFICATION number. It's how you IDENTIFY the member. How is this hard? And I can't tell you how many people call us for an authorization request, and I inform them that it's done by fax and offer to send the form and they actually say to me, "So what do I do, just fill it out and fax it back to you?". No, I thought maybe you could take it to dinner and a movie first, or just wipe your ass with it. Of course you're going to fill it out and send it back. THAT'S THE WHOLE FUCKING POINT!

I just have to survive 2 more hours without strangling someone or setting them on fire. I really wish I could send the little army guys I have on my computer monitor out and about to help clean up the gene pool a bit.

1. I cannot do Sudoku to save my life. If the fate of the world depended on me finishing one of those, well, let’s just say that everyone can put their heads between their legs and kiss their asses goodbye. Almost every square has white out on it, several layers in fact. I had one almost finished, and I was so excited, until I had one number left and it didn’t fit. DAMN IT, THERE’S ALREADY AN EFFING 6 IN THIS ROW!!!! GAAH! The only way to unfuck that is to throw another layer of white out on each square and start from scratch. I’ll save that for a day when I’m really bored or for when I feel like straining my brain to the point of aneurysm.

2. People really are nicer when you’re nice to them. At least most of them are. So all that psychobabble bullshit I’ve been hearing for years has some truth to it. Who knew? Now the trick is remembering that on a day when I feel like making someone wear their ass for a hat.

3. Sausage McMuffin with egg and cheese for breakfast followed by leftover pizza for lunch? Bad idea. Pass the Tums please.

4. Accidentally inhaling a small portion of said McMuffin causes an hour of coughing.

5. I knew this already, but I reaffirmed that Old Navy is the devil. Most of their pants seem to have been designed around a box instead of an actual woman. I did find one pair of jeans that would pass the butt test, but guess what? In my size, they are about a mile too long. I’d have to wear 6-inch heels just to keep them off the ground. And anyone who knows me knows that I don’t do 6-inch heels. No way. I'd break an ankle.

6. If one kid gets a Clone Trooper, the other kid must have one or else they will beat the crap out of each other for it. Unfortunately, I didn’t get the Clone Trooper. It was received at school by Santa, so they have to share or they’re pretty much screwed.

That's all for this week's lessons.

1. “Brangelina”. Booooring. Who really gives a crap what they are doing? And I don’t get this obsession with combining celebrity names: Bennifer, TomKat. Who cares enough about these people to sit around and make up cutsie names for them?

2. “Reality” TV. How in the hell is this crap considered reality? A bunch of narcissistic losers are crammed together in a big house and they have to lie, cheat, and manipulate everyone in order to avoid being voted out of the house (or off the island). Where’s the reality? That’s not like real life. Well, I suppose the lying, cheating, and manipulating are… And these shows are being cranked out faster than a baby boy can whiz on you when his diaper is removed. I think the executives sit in the conference room and play Mad Libs in order to find a topic for the next time waster. Maybe one day we will see: “Super Maid”; “When People Poke Bears”; “Project Hooker”; “Waxing Gone Wrong”; or “Extreme Horse Makeover”. Now, if every now and then they spiced things up by tossing a badger into someone’s tent while they were asleep, I might consider watching.

3. Skinny jeans. Just wrong.

4. Jon and Kate Plus 8. I know many people adore this show (which I will say is slightly more realistic than most reality TV... slightly) but I really can’t figure out why. Kate yells a lot and treats Jon like he’s her 9th child, and all he does is make some passive aggressive comment. It’s painful to watch as they try desperately to control their thinly veiled hatred of one another. Yes, I know they just renewed their vows. They must keep up the charade because the cash cow would stop shitting wads of money if they ever broke up.

5. Why some women wear tight and/or low cut pants despite the chub they have around their waists. Hello, muffin top. Buy a mirror girls, or appropriate clothing in the next size up, because that’s not attractive. And no, your confident attitude will not compensate and make you seem sexy despite you pouring out of the top of your pants, I don’t care what Cosmo says.

That's all for this edition of Things I Don't Get. Stay tuned for more!

1. I was born to be a mom to boys.

2. My husband is the only person on the planet who really, truly gets me.

3. I sing in the car but not in the shower.

4. I could eat Mexican food every day.

5. I hate clowns. They don’t scare me, they piss me off. Suck it clowns!

6. I get obsessed over new projects and ideas, then quickly forget about them and move on to something new.

7. Obviously, this means I never complete anything.

8. Too much garlic? No such thing!

9. I am the type of person who drops stuff on every available horizontal surface.

10. This means my house gets very cluttered, and my desk (both at home and at work) is an abyss.

11. Sarcasm is my second language.

12. I’ve never smoked a cigarette. Ever.

13. I can’t stand wearing bras and pantyhose.

14. Hence I never wear pantyhose. Unfortunately, bras are a requirement, unless I’m lounging at home.

15. I used to have my belly pierced, but I had to take it out with my first pregnancy and it closed up : (

16. I tend to have a potty mouth. I could make a trucker blush.

17. I am wired as a night owl, but I’m a morning lark out of necessity.

18. But I am not very lark-like in the mornings. In fact, I can be downright grouchy.

19. I love to bake.

20. I’ve had my cat, Rocket, since 1995. I got him when he was 8 weeks old.

21. My favorite color is purple.

22. It really does only take 3 licks to get to the center of a Tootsie Pop.

23. I wish I could take a nap every day.

24. My first car was a 1968 4-door Ford Galaxie 500, aka “The Tank”.

25. Oh, the crazy (dangerous) things my friends and I did in that car.

26. I am totally, utterly, hopelessly addicted to Target.

27. I would rather scrub toilets than sweep and mop the floors.

28. I am a serious procrastinator, and I’m good at it.

29. Friday nights in my house are pizza and movie night.

30. For some reason, I seem to be completely incapable of planning an actual dinner for Saturday nights. I don’t want to do a typical baked chicken “weeknight” dinner, because it feels like weekend dinner should be more “fun”, but after Friday night’s fun dinner, I don’t want to feed everyone crap, so I just mentally block planning anything at all.

31. I want to visit England someday.

32. I could never be a vegetarian because I love steak and cheeseburgers too much.

33. Oh yeah, and I’m a veggie-phobe.

34. My husband barbecues the best tri tip ever.

35. He also knows his way around the kitchen pretty well.

36. I’ve very lucky to be married to him, for many reasons other than his cooking.

37. My hair is thick, wavy and evil, and usually ends up in a ponytail.

38. My favorite thing for breakfast is cereal.

39. However, leftover enchiladas also make a damn fine breakfast.

40. On the rare occasions I drink, I am a rum and coke girl. Though I do sometimes have beer or one of those fun flavored malt drinks.

41. For the most part though I just drink water.

42. I have a dirty mind.

43. I tend to laugh at completely inappropriate things. Most people do not understand this, so naturally I get many weird looks.

44. My husband calls me “Lady Leadfoot”. Apparently I drive too fast. But I’ve gotten much better about slowing down as I’ve gotten older.

45. Oh yeah, and because I don’t want to get another speeding ticket. Those suck.

46. I like to make beaded jewelry, but I never have room in the budget for new beads and supplies.

47. I love love love camping.

48. I always think of really good comebacks long after the moment has passed.

49. I tend to stew over things for too long.

50. I hiked to Half Dome in Yosemite when I was 5.

51. That’s about a 15 mile round trip.

52. I did have a little bit of help from my dad and my uncle, but I did most of it on my own.

53. However, I did not go to the top of Half Dome because by the time we got to the base, I was way too tired to deal with the cables.

54. I will hike Half Dome again someday, and I will make it to the top.

55. Most people just don’t seem to get me.

56. I hate raisins in my baked goods. Raisins do not belong in cookies, cakes, cinnamon rolls, or, well, anything other than trail mix.

57. I’m a homebody and would be perfectly happy hanging out at home most days.

58. I love to watch movies, mostly comedy and action.

59. The majority of chick flicks bore the crap out of me.

60. Spring and fall are my favorite seasons.

61. Thanksgiving is my favorite holiday.

62. I don’t like crumbs in the butter.

63. I also don’t like hair on the soap.

64. I sometimes think inappropriate thoughts, very strange things that just pop into my head that tend to be so weird and random that I can’t share them with others.

65. I feel I could do very well as a co-writer for “Family Guy” because of this weirdness.

66. I do not agree with Hollywood and the fashion industry that size 0 and size 00 are the beauty “ideal”. Give those girls a cheeseburger. Give me one too while you’re at it.

67. I like chocolate, but I wouldn’t kill somebody for it.

68. Nothing will make me stop listening faster than someone trying to cram their religious beliefs down my throat.

69. Ditto for political views and parenting advice.

70. I have great attention to detail when it comes to work projects, yet manage to find myself wandering away from half finished chores and projects at home and starting up a new task. I generally have 3 or 4 half finished projects strewn about the house at any given time.

71. I usually hit the snooze button on the alarm clock 3 or 4 times before getting up.

72. I can’t dance my way out of a paper bag.

73. Work has turned me into a caffeine addict.

74. I am not good at keeping fish alive.

75. I can’t stand fake nails and I refuse to get them.

76. My husband and I eloped. Best decision ever.

77. I will not get my hair colored or highlighted because I like the color of my hair. Also I would not do the upkeep.

78. I keep a pad of paper and a pen in my nightstand for the nights that I can’t fall asleep because I’m thinking of all the things I need to do the next day. This way I can write those things down so I don’t forget them in the morning, and I don’t have to get out of bed to do it.

79. I am not what you would call a “people person”. I try to be friendly as much as possible, but generally, people annoy the crap out of me, and sometimes (okay, a lot of times) I have a hard time hiding that.

80. Obviously I will not be running for office anytime soon.

81. I used to be a veterinary technician.

82. I do not faint or get queasy at the sight of blood, even my own.

83. Disgusting conversations at the dinner table do not gross me out, which is handy in a house full of boys. Any topic is fair game.

84. I do everything online if possible, and use the phone as a last resort. And I’m talking about stuff for life in general, not porn.

85. I seriously dislike the phone, and I will ignore it if I don’t feel like talking. I also try to avoid making calls as much as possible.

86. I can’t drive a stick

87. Well, I could drive one enough to get someone to the hospital if needed, but in everyday traffic, I’d turn into a lunatic just trying to deal with the logistics of it.

88. I haven’t ridden a bike in years.

89. The term “hook up”, as in having sex, really annoys me. I hate to hear or read, “While we were hooking up…” Seriously, be a grown up and just say “having sex” or “fucking” or “screwing” or “getting busy” or simply “doing it”.

90. I really don’t care about getting flowers and chocolates for Valentine’s Day or Mother’s Day, or ever really. I’m more practical than that.

91. I also don’t like getting bath stuff. I never end up using it and it just sits and collects dust.

92. I asked for a Swiss Army knife for Mother’s Day. I got it. And I use it.

93. My favorite ice cream is Ben and Jerry’s Coffee Heath Bar Crunch.

94. English toffee is my favorite candy.

95. My favorite TV shows are Criminal Minds, Bones, Eureka, CSI, Cold Case, That 70’s Show, and Family Guy.

96. I have the same birthday as my dad, April 18. Different year obviously.

97. I don’t see what’s so great about Starbucks (aka Whorebucks). I try not to give them any of my money.

98. I also really don’t see why celebrities are so fascinating. I mean, who really gives a crap if they dress like a schlub and go downtown to visit Whorebucks?

99. Sometimes eating the tube of cookie dough is better than actually baking it.

100. I am a work in progress.

Since Thanksgiving is almost upon us, I wanted to take a moment to reflect on all that I am thankful for.

I am thankful for Brian. He is the most amazing husband and I cannot imagine my life without him. He understands my quirks, and even finds some of them amusing. He knows me better than I know myself and knows how to help me through something difficult or tell me if I’m being crazy. Brian is my best friend, whom I tell everything to, and even after being together for 11 years – and married for 9 – we still have fun together. We have great conversations and we just love spending time together, whether we’re driving somewhere, lazing around watching movies, or building Ikea furniture (directions with no words!) and doing chores together. He is a wonderful dad and I am so lucky that I can leave the house and know that the kids will be clean, fed and clothed appropriately, and played with. I don’t have to micromanage from afar, or worry that he’ll just feed them only McDonalds when I’m gone. He cooks and cleans and takes good care of our family. We parent together as a unit; none of that crap where dad undermines mom constantly, making me the bad guy and him the “cool” parent. And he is certainly not one of those bumbling dads you see on TV who can’t handle a diaper or puke or even something as simple as giving the kids a bath.

I am thankful for Jacob. I can’t believe how big and strong he’s getting, and he constantly amazes me with how smart and funny he is. He helps me a lot, and is the best big brother that we could have ever asked for. He helps and teaches Logan, and they are the best of friends. Jacob is polite and charming and always has a story to tell. Even though his non-stop talking can drive me nuts sometimes, I wouldn’t trade it because it just demonstrates how intelligent and inquisitive and creative he is. He draws amazingly detailed pictures of his favorite things, and he is always eager to learn about the world around him. He gives wonderful hugs and will try to take care of me when I don’t feel well. I remember one time I had a migraine and he brought me water so I could “get hydrated and feel better.” Too sweet! He brings great character to our family.

I am thankful for Logan. He is so laid back and sunny. Many days he has a smile on his face before he even opens his eyes. He is smart like his brother, but he tends to just do his thing and absorb information as it comes rather than aggressively pursue it like Jacob. He loves to be my helper and will set the table for dinner, and open doors for me. He always wants to be included and just loves to be around people. There is a lot of personality packed into that small body of his. He wants to be a big kid so badly, yet is perfectly happy being the “baby” of the family. He is developing his sense of humor, and often makes us laugh with funny faces and sayings. Our family would not be complete without our “caboose”.

I am thankful for our extended families. The boys have wonderful grandparents who love to take them for the weekend and spend time with them and teach them and play. If we need help or advice, our parents help if they can. And they follow our discipline methods and enforce the rules we have decided on for our boys, which keeps them consistent and they don’t come acting like spoiled brats because they got away with murder all weekend.

I am thankful for my job. Sure it drives me nuts, and the commute sucks, and I’d rather stay home. But it pays decently, and we couldn’t do without that income. It certainly beats having no education or skills and having no job choices whatsoever due to those limitations and being stuck either working at McDonalds (Would you like fries with that?) or as a greeter at Wal-Mart (Welcome to Wal-Mart. Get yer shit and get out!). And my work friends help keep me sane while I’m here. I’ve had jobs where nobody got along, or I didn’t get along with people, and there was mistrust and tension and it was awful. Here, we all chat when we can and have a good time as much as possible, and just generally make the best of being at work.

I am thankful for being healthy. I certainly need to exercise more, and I do have my own issues, but it could be so much worse. I could have a debilitating, incurable disease, or I could be disabled and totally dependent on other people, which would be hell to me.

I am thankful for our life in general. Incredible marriage, awesome kids, and wonderful families. We could certainly use more money, but we are able to afford to live in a nice house in a good neighborhood with good schools and friendly neighbors. And while we can’t afford to go to Disneyland every year, or on some other big, fancy, annual vacation, we have fun with what we can do. Fortunately, we all love camping, which is way less expensive than a trip to Disneyland, and in my opinion, a lot more fun and memorable. The boys are enjoying their childhoods, and they have a lot more fun turning themselves into dirty sticky messes while camping than they would waiting in a two hour line for a two minute ride. The boys still love to look at the pictures of our camping trips for the last 2 summers.

My former employer will soon be no more. Soon, if I want to go to a drug store, I will be stuck with CVS, Rite Aid, or freakin' Walgreens. Though I haven't worked there in 2 years, Longs is still the only drugstore I ever shopped at, and I am sad to see it go. And after all of those stores just went through remodels in the last 4 years. What a shame. I hope nobody I know moved to the corporate offices, since those employees are all getting the boot at the beginning of 2009. Now the stores will be governed by some faceless corporation back east, as opposed to a corporate office that was right here in California. I used to work at the largest store in Walnut Creek, which is where the main corporate office is. I am so happy I don't work there now, for many reasons. CVS blows. And I would go insane working in one of their pharmacies. Every time I talk to a CVS pharmacy at work, I can hear that stupid automated robot voice saying, "One pharmacy call" over and over again, which is what they hear when someone wants to speak with pharmacy staff, instead of hearing a normal phone ringing. I would have to smash that thing. But I digress... Goodbye Longs, and I hope the CVS corporate suits aren't totally bullshitting you when they say that most of the employees will keep their jobs after the acquisition.

1. The pumpkin patch
The boys always have so much fun at the pumpkin patch. Unfortunately this year, due to time constraints and long lines, we weren't able to do everything we wanted to do, but we still had fun. And we got 3 HUGE pumpkins for only $10.75, which is awesome. At lesser pumpkin patches, these pumpkins would have been $10-$15 each.

We did some of the corn maze, which the boys thought was fun for about 7 1/2 minutes. Which is okay, because the maze is ginormous, so it would have been worse if we had been smack in the middle of it and then they decided not to walk anymore. This year's maze was cut into the shape of a Toyota Tundra. This is an actual aerial view of the maze. All the green is corn.



My pumpkin boys:




In the pumpkin maze and overlooking the pumpkin maze:





Fun pictures and pony rides:






2. Halloween goodies
No, not just candy, but other Halloween themed yummies. I have an Amish Friendship Bread starter that I've been using to make bread for the last couple of months. The boys love it for breakfast. For the most recent batch, I replaced the oil with canned pumpkin, and it made really yummy pumpkin bread. Today, I made roasted pumpkin seeds using the seeds Brian pulled out of the pumpkins he carved. I made one batch just regular salted, and the other batch spicy with garlic salt and cayenne pepper and Worcestershire sauce. Delicious! And last night, the boys and I had a blast decorating Halloween cupcakes:




3. Little boys in Halloween costumes
What could be better than little boys dressed in their costumes, totally getting into the spirit with a cool action pose?



(BTW, Jacob is Optimus Prime and Logan is Bumblebee. Remember, there's more than meets the eye!)

4. Really cool carved pumpkins
Brian's project for today: carving our awesome annual jack o lanterns! They were time consuming, but quite worth it. The boys are super excited about these. Didn't he do an awesome job???





Here is one more that Brian did a few days later:



Bring on Halloween!

Sunday night (well, at 2:30 in the morning, so technically Monday morning) I half woke up to find Jacob giving me a kiss. Then he went right back to bed. Since I only half woke up, I couldn't be sure that I wasn't hallucinating it, so I asked Brian about it. He said he did come kiss me, and he wasn't up to go to the bathroom or anything.

So I asked Jacob last night if he had come into my room in the middle of the night just to give me a kiss. He said yes, and I asked him why (not to look a gifthorse in the mouth or anything; I'll take little boy smooches for as long as they are willing to give them to me. It was just curious timing) and he said, "So it was before you left for work." Awwwwww....

I’ve always tried to avoid drinking coffee on a regular basis. I’ve never wanted to become one of those people who can’t function on even a cellular level until they’ve had coffee. “Instant human, just add coffee!” And considering I’m 30 I think I’ve done a really good job of this so far. Plus I’ve never really cared for coffee. Blasphemous, I know, but to drink it I’ve always needed to really be in the mood for it.

But after 2 years on my job, all but the first 3 months of which have been on this heinously early schedule, I’m starting to succumb to the sweet siren song of that we call coffee. For at least the last week solid I’ve been making my own mocha type drink before leaving for work: hot chocolate with instant espresso powder thrown in. Oh yeah, if I’m going to be a coffee addict, I’m going all the way! And the amount of espresso powder has slowly increased over the course of the week, to the point where my brain feels just a bit jittery.
I think my workplace has a way of turning people into coffee addicts. I’ve talked to coworkers who, like me, never drank much coffee before, but since they’ve been here, they’ve converted and become hooked. I do not think I am past the point of no return, yet. But when I skip a day and get a headache due to the lack of caffeine, only then will I know without a doubt that I am coffee’s bitch.

I'm feeling silly today...

You lay there acting innocent
But I know that you’re faking
Watching, waiting, plotting
My sanity for the taking
You act nice ‘til I get to work
And then you get all crazy
I could plead and fight with you
But, damn, I’m just too lazy
You frizz and poke me in the face
You stick out all over the place
I get so tired of battling you
You sure aren’t any fun
But as I sit here with a ponytail
Just know today I won!

I am extremely tired today. I can barely keep my eyes open, and I’m feeling a bit cranky. Here are some things that are pissing me off.

I don’t get how somebody can work in a pharmacy, surrounded by medications, doing nothing but working with medications, all day every day, and not be able to pronounce or spell even the simplest of medication names. I understand that medication names can be very tricky, and I don’t always get them all right, but if you work in a pharmacy, you should at least be familiar enough with how medications are pronounced and spelled, and familiar enough with the medications themselves, to understand what medication name I’m telling you and be able to at least take a stab at spelling it.

One day last year, I took the boys to a place in a neighboring city called “Someplace Fun”, which is a big indoor play place with the big blow up bouncy slides, and a carousel, and little go carts and video games. When we went last time, Logan was still a little too small to really do everything. Well Brian is working this weekend, so I decided I wanted to take them there again, now that Logan is better able to keep up with the big boys. So I looked up the number in the phone book so that I could call to get hours and prices, and the number is disconnected. I looked up the place online and it doesn’t seem to exist anymore. And even worse, I found a similar place about 20 minutes away that would also be perfect and it’s only open during the week. They only have private parties on the weekends. How in the world can you have a play place that’s not open on weekends? Some of us do have to actually WORK during the week, you know.

I’m mad at caffeine for not working. Seriously, I could drink a cup of coffee, or a coke, or a cappuccino with extra caffeine and it does nothing to wake me up. Nothing. Suck it, caffeine!

I HATE grain moths (aka meal moths). For those of you who have been lucky enough not to experience these most wondrous of god’s creatures, let me give you the scoop. These things love grains. Where in the house does one keep grains? Oh yeah, in the kitchen. They burrow their way into even the tiniest crack in a food package, lay eggs everywhere, which then hatch into larvae (little white wiggly worm thingies) which then leave little white fuzzy cocoons everywhere, and then you have these moths fluttering around your kitchen and lurking in your cabinets and drawers. And, despite what the name implies, they don’t like just grains, though grains are their favorite. No, they also seem to like raisins, so if you have any boxes of raisins anywhere that aren’t in a Ziploc bag, they will infiltrate said boxes. The eggs are little brown speckles, so in a box of raisins, you can’t see them very well. :::Insert puking here::: And speaking of Ziploc bags, I have found the cocoons inside the tops of sealed Ziploc bags. So they didn’t quite get to the food, but they are now blocking the exit hole for the food. Nasty. I’ve found them in my salt, in my brown sugar, in my rice. And good luck getting rid of them. You have to pull all the food out of the cabinets/drawers, chuck whatever isn’t sealed, thoroughly clean the cabinets/drawers, and start buying containers to keep your food in, which isn’t cheap. The cost of all of those containers really adds up, not to mention the food that had to be thrown out. So guess what I have to do this weekend? Yup, you guessed it: I have to pull all the food out of at least one of my cabinets, toss a bunch of stuff, and clean the inside of the cabinet. Since the drawer above this cabinet is also affected (the drawer has the boys’ snacks in it), I will probably have to pull the drawer out completely to clean the bottom of it. I’ve already cleaned the inside of it, twice, and tossed the food that was affected, but they are still lurking in that drawer, though everything is now sealed. Fortunately, most things I have in the cabinet are also sealed, like all of my baking stuff, but there are some things that are not, like chips. Needless to say, I do not look forward to this chore.

People on the phones are generally annoying me today, either interrupting me constantly and talking over me, or simply not listening to anything I say. I told you we handle ALL of these requests by fax, so don't ask me "You don't do it by phone?" or tell me "No thanks, I'd rather do it now on the phone". I did not give you an option, so take it or leave it and get off my line.



Okay, this day has already been too long. This is the kind of day where I have a strong desire to run away, go home, curl up on the couch in my sweats with a blanket and a movie and a vat of Coffee Heath Bar Crunch ice cream, and forget that the rest of the world even exists.

Wow, I’m so lucky my head hasn’t rolled away, or been plucked right off by a hungry seagull, because clearly it’s not attached to my body this week. And it’s only Tuesday…

Let’s see, where shall I begin? I’ll go with the most notable oversights and mix ups of the last few days. Granted, they aren’t that big of a deal in the grand scheme of things, but they are enough to make me feel like I should be saying “Oh my gawd!” like a valley girl while twirling my hair and snapping my gum. Keep in mind these events are in addition to all the little tiny things I tend to space out on, like forgetting my book when I left for work, defrosting something for dinner, or calling off that hit on… well, you get the idea.

Every Tuesday Jacob gets an envelope with his homework for the week, and it’s due back on the following Monday. According to the teacher, this is so working parents have some extra time to make sure the homework gets done. We appreciate this greatly, as we are especially busy and spacy on weekday evenings. This week, however, we apparently started in on “lazy time” too early, and we forgot to have him complete his last math page and write his last sentences for the week. And this morning, TUESDAY morning, the day AFTER the homework is due, I discovered that it was still sitting on our kitchen counter. Of course our kitchen counter is an avalanche waiting to happen what with all the papers on it right now, so it is completely understandable that the homework got buried and forgotten about, as this is almost a daily occurrence. We are taking steps to remedy the situation, but that will take a lot of sorting and some time, and maybe a magic wand or a voodoo priest. A little tiny tornado would probably be the most effective remedy to clear the space and start from scratch. Wouldn’t that be handy? “Need to get organized, but don’t know where to start? Wish you could just start from scratch? Well now you can with Whirlwind Wow! It’s easy! Just set Whirlwind Wow on top of any unholy mess that’s taken on a life of its own and in minutes you’ll have a nice clear surface, ready to be organized! But wait! Act now and we’ll send you a second Whirlwind Wow ABSOLUTELY FREE!” But I digress…

Prior to the forgotten homework discovery, the morning started as usual. I smacked my snooze button umpteen times, dragged my sorry ass out of bed, snarling like a cat who was swung through the air by the tail… and I’m so tired and rummy that the visual created by that statement is making me giggle just a bit. Okay, a lot*. I think I need one of those "Clocky" alarm clocks that rolls off the nightstand after you hit the snooze, so after one chance you are then forced to get up and chase it around blindly in order to shut it up. The makers of that alarm clock are GENIUSES and I am most definitely in their target market. So what’s keeping me from buying it? Well, I don't particularly want to commit to chasing a clock every morning. Oh, and $50 for a newfangled alarm clock just isn't in the budget. Every day I summon immense willpower to get up, prop my eyelids up with toothpicks, and attempt to transform myself from a tired growly lump with a monosyllabic vocabulary to a somewhat coherent human, suitable to be allowed to mingle with the rest of society. So then I took my shower, started to do my thing in the usual order, washed my face, shaved my legs, all that good stuff. It was only when I was struggling more than usual to get a comb through my evil hair that I realized I forgot to wash it. I got it wet, then proceeded to skip from face washing to body washing, and completely disregarded the hair washing step that usually takes place in between. Okay, no big deal. It’s just going up in a ponytail anyway, right?

So I was messing around with Jacob’s homework stuff, and leaving a note on it for his teacher (“Sorry this was late, but Jacob’s mommy is a fuckwit this week”), then I almost walked out of the house without some of my stuff, including my lunch and my cell phone. I DID walk out without the book I wanted to bring. I then drove to the gas station to go into the AM/PM to get a cappuccino, where I attempted to bring my lunch bag inside instead of my purse. I don’t suppose they would accept a granny smith apple in exchange for a cuppa joe? Yeah, didn’t think so. So I got my cappuccino (extra caffeine anyone?) and went to pay. It was $1.49, and for some reason my brain thought I was going to get 49 cents back as change, so I offered to give the guy a penny so that I could just get 2 quarters back. D’oh! That doesn’t make any sense, now does it? Granted, I’m no Mensa candidate at 5 o’clock in the morning, but it’s bad when even the most basic math escapes me. The guy behind the counter just laughed at me. I took a verbal bow (I’ll be here all week) and got the hell out of there before causing myself further embarrassment.

On to the rest of my day, which actually hasn’t been as bad as I expected given this morning’s antics. I’ve forgotten to do a few basic things at work (I really hope that call does not get monitored…) but other than that :::knock on wood::: it’s been alright. But the day is still young. I have yet to discover everything I can forget today!



*No cats were harmed in the making of this blog.

Yesterday was 9/11, and I usually try to avoid all the news coverage of the anniversary. So I didn’t intend to watch any 9/11 stuff yesterday, but Brian stopped on the History Channel briefly and we both got sucked in. We watched the show “102 Minutes That Changed America” (I think that’s what it was called – I know it was 102 minutes). It was 102 minutes of continuous video footage and recordings from multiple video cameras around the area (the news and various people in different parts of the city looking out their windows, or in NJ looking across the water, and even from on the ground by the WTC). Also included were recordings from police band radios and walkies. It was still so surreal to watch, maybe even more so now because the footage they always showed on the news was just from the news helicopters, which were required to stay 5 miles away. Nothing like this, with all of the video from on the ground, showing the huge cloud of ash and debris that shot between all the buildings, and people just covered from head to toe in grey ash.

So Jacob started watching with us for about the last 45-50 minutes, and he had nothing but questions the whole time. “How did this happen?”, “Why did this happen?”, “Why don’t the terrorists like America?”. We figured that he can’t avoid seeing and hearing about it at this time of year that it was okay for him to watch so we could talk to him about it. He kept saying, “When is the other building going to fall?” like it was a movie, and we kept telling him it’s not a movie, that this is real. He was having difficulty wrapping his mind around this happening in real life, and why it happened, and I can certainly understand. It’s tough to wrap my mind around it too. He asked some very good questions though, and in his mind he processed the “why” to be “…because we have all the cool stuff.” Not a bad interpretation of such a horrible event by a 6 year old who was still in the womb when the event took place.

When I was helping him get ready for bed, he was still asking questions and he asked, “How do you become a good person?” So we had a discussion about that. He’s got a pretty good head on his shoulders already, not bad for a 6 year old. We talked about how good people care about other people and help other people and do good things (I used the fact that I gave blood the day before and how much he helps his brother as examples). He seemed good with that.

I can only imagine what he’s telling his classmates about the tv show he watched last night…

First off, I just want to say: Suck it eBay!

Now, on to the ramblings…

I am giving blood tomorrow. It’s been ages since I’ve given blood, and I’ve only done it twice, about a decade ago. I never do it simply because it takes forever to get the blood out of me. Seriously, while I’m sitting there dripping my pint into the little bag, two or three people come and go in the chair next to me. I hope the blood mobile has room for two, or I’m going to mess up their schedule. But I am A negative, and that’s not a very common blood type, so I’m sure they could use my blood. I just hope I get someone who knows what they are doing and not the obligatory resident vein mangler.

Our breast cancer walk is next month. I’ve got a whole $20 donation so far, and that is from my husband. Jacob will be joining me this year, so that should be interesting. It’s a 5k walk, which is about 3.1 miles. I hope he doesn’t complain about the walk being too long. But I think he’ll do okay. I want to bring Logan too, but we no longer have a stroller, not even the umbrella stroller. We haven’t used one in about 2 years. And there is no way he will be able to walk that distance. And even if he can, he is slow as molasses in January. He loves to just meander (walking or riding his bike) and take in the sights. Which is all fine and dandy, but there is a place and a time, and that place and time is not during the breast cancer walk with my coworkers. Sorry Logan, I love you. You are going to have a daddy day while Jacob and I go walk.

Okay, I can’t figure this out. Why is it that on weekends, if I sit down on the couch anywhere between 11 am and 1 pm and watch TV, I can’t keep my freakin’ eyes open? But at night during the week, when I’m exhausted because I’ve been up since 4 am and have worked a full day and driven 45 miles each way to work and back, having the TV on in my bedroom keeps me awake. I am so tired from getting to sleep too late every night. I stopped at the AM/PM at the gas station this morning because they have pretty good cappuccino and I got a “mocha alert” which is a mocha with extra caffeine. I guess it’s working. I don’t really feel any more awake or alert. In fact, I could really go for a nap right about now…

I just had a member tell me that the sooner we go out of business, the better off the medical profession will be. He didn’t stick around long enough to hear me tell him that the same things happen with ABC Insurance company and XYZ insurance company, and every other insurance company out there. Instead he hung up on me mid-sentence. I didn’t want to talk to him anymore anyway. And of course he is more than welcome, encouraged even, to switch to another company where he can play by their (similar, if not the same) rules.

My day was okay until I took a 30 minute phone call from someone who wanted to scream at me, not listen to me, talk over me, have a conversation that went in circles, and make me repeat myself at least a dozen time. Ever since, I’ve wanted to bang my head on the desk each time I get a call, even an easy one. That probably wouldn’t help my headache much though.

More rambling coming soon…

I love a good long three day weekend. Plenty of time to putter around the house and get things done without busting my ass, and lots of time to play, hang out and be lazy, eat, and nap. But of course, the beasties need to be entertained periodically, or they'll eat us, or at least drive us very crazy. So this morning while Brian was at work, the boys and I baked some cookies. Jacob chose to make chocolate chip M&M cookies, which turned out yummy. Of course, I cannot stop eating them...




Then when Brian got home, we surprised the boys and took them to the local serpentarium. It's a museum, but you can also buy creatures and their various accoutrement. I very much wanted to take home a turtle. I love love love turtles! I loved the snakes too and I really wanted to pet some of them. I wanted a snake in high school but my then (evil) stepmother quickly vetoed that because snakes apparently represent the devil. Turns out she WAS the devil, and now she's burning in hell.... well, Arizona, but tomato, tomahto.


Larry, Moe, and Curley here were pretty funny. I swear they were posing for the camera.


And I'm not sure if these guys were showing us their butts, acting aloof, or if they were just really interested in something. Actually, it kinda looks like they're watching the game...


This snake was quite interested in Jacob. As soon as he walked up to the glass, it moved forward from the back of its enclosure to check him out.


This is the snake Brian got a call on a while back. The owner committed suicide, so he had to collect her from the home. However she is so big and heavy that her cage didn't fit in his truck. She's about 10 feet long and 100 pounds. Note the smaller snake next to her. That's her boyfriend. They are trying to mate the two. Imagine that, you lose your owner and your home and your new owner immediately starts pimping you out. Oh well, no worries, if she's really that bothered by it, she can just eat the male. That'll learn 'em.


These green tree pythons are really cool. They make me think of the book Verdi. And they're super expensive.


One more day of lounging, food and fun. The weather has cooled and the boys will probably play outside with their friends some more. We'll barbecue some burgers and do nothing. Just what a holiday weekend is for!