Michelle's Madness

Too bad he's not into it or anything!

When did I get old? Okay, so I’m not really old, I’m only 31, but sometimes I feel old, like when I’m skimming through a People or an Us magazine. I look at the stories, the scandals and the fashion and I wonder, “Who the hell is this person?” Seriously, who is Ashley Tisdale? I have no idea who Shenae Grimes and Taylor Momsen are. And Adrian Grenier? No clue who he is, but he’s fuck ugly. I read these names and see their pictures and just wonder why anyone gives a damn.

As I try to figure out what these random people could possibly be famous for I am reminded of the stereotype of parents hating their kids’ music and the phrase “If it’s too loud, you’re too old” or something of that nature. And I wonder, “Am I a real-life grown up now?” Well, maybe I am, but I still love Green Day, dammit!

I’ve been doing my 90 mile round trip commute for over 2 years, so I can do it in my sleep (but don’t worry, I won’t try that) so I’m used to crazies and traffic and whatnot and I don’t tend to freak out. But this morning I had one of the weirdest commute experiences. I’m not going to say it was the most terrifying, but it was pretty scary.



So I’m driving along on 99, which is still only 2 lanes at this point, minding my own business in the left lane, when the pickup truck in front of me suddenly starts pumping his brakes and slowing waaaaaay down, like from 70ish to 50ish. There was nobody in front of him, and I wasn’t anywhere near tailgating, so I have no idea why he did that. He then puts on his blinker to change to the right lane, gets halfway there then swerves violently back into the left lane. Seconds later he puts his blinker on again then changes lanes all the way, stays in the right lane for about 30 seconds (during which time I’m hanging back thinking that this dude is a total lunatic) then swerves back into the left lane again. Lather, rinse and repeat this whole scenario. Twice.

By this time I’m thinking this dude is either drunk or I offended his delicate sensibilities somehow. Finally he ends up in the right lane and is driving cool and I pass him because though he’s driving okay at the moment, he’s now doing about 55 behind a semi. I was hesitant to pass but there was someone behind me and I sure as hell didn’t want to get back behind this freak. So I pass and all seems well for about 30 seconds when he again violently whips into the left lane and comes up behind me with his foot to the floor, flashing his lights. I move into the right lane in front of the semi and the weirdo passes me, then swerves in front of me. He does his swervy driving for a while, and just when I’ve got my Bluetooth on to call CHP and report his ass, he swerves onto an exit and disappears. No point in calling the cops at that point; what would I tell them? “Hey, some guy was driving erratically and he exited at this exit and turned right?” Yeah, they’ll put a priority on that call.

The moral of the story is: Just because it’s 4:30 in the morning, that doesn’t mean your commute will be psycho-free. Because clearly this guy was fucking crazy.

How in the world can people enjoy being spun? Seriously. My stupid medications (legal prescription ones, in case you are wondering) are making me feel all spun and woohoo and shit and it sucks. I feel all weird and restless and crawly. Blah! I can’t think straight and just existing is difficult. And I’m not freakin’ productive at all. So there’s no way I’m going to get a block of wood and whittle it down to a baseball bat or organize a collection of dust bunnies or try to build an ark out of Legos. And I won’t be deciding anytime soon that my washing machine looks better on the front lawn, or that my house should have cat ears on the roof.

We were goofing around before the boys went to bed tonight and Logan was showing me his different "faces". Here is a selection:

Happy Face:


Sad Face:


Mad Face:


And then on to the silly faces:

Silly Face #1:



Silly Face #2:


Silly Face #3:


Silly Face #4:


And Jacob got in on the silly face act too: